Hey me again! Ive been thinking for the last 2 days about where I start! Well probably no where is best, It will all just come out! You know the most important shiz already, like I have Bipolar 1 (has been a bit of a disaster and gotten me in a whole lotta shit) that infact is where all the shit started! Oh and I am trying not to swear in my blogs, Ive been know to be a bit of a foul mouth! That, along with other things have changed over the last 9 months but sometimes I do it to feel a little naughty LOL! (right the 14 year old is in nagging in my ear, loosing my train of thought, gotta go get tea, we are buying tonight YAY cos I F>>King hate cooking these days its a time waster, she is nag nag nagging “gotta go mum come on mum….YOU know how it is!!) SO going to feed the beast! Be back in 10 and I can’t wait, I think I’m on a roll!! Got so much to tell YA!
Tea was good, chicken fried rice, I love it! You also know I became a boozing druggie, so now I need to fill in the blanks! That will happen as I said. I have never really been one for routine, having babies kinda forced me into one of a sort, but my kids will tell you things have always been a bit easy come easy go, take it as we find it, I can’t even tell you how many times they missed the school bus because of my disorganization. Where we lived meant I had to drive them to the bus, I remember chasing the school bus trying to pass it so I could beat it to the next stop! I’m sure the bus driver (who was grumpy) knew, he never would just pull over for me and I think it became a bit of a game for him, of course the girls were utterly humiliated with all their mates on the bus staring at us out the back window. I’m sure back then when I was out of control I would have flicked them all the birdy!! I might even set my girls up here on my blog, as my oldest is a blogger and let them tell you some of the crazy things their mother did which lead them to feel utterly shamed out! My husband could also tell stories and my sister loves to bring things up that she remembers! Thankfully we can all laugh at most of them now!
As I said I’ve spent the last two days thinking! And as you know I like to write so that it just spews out, I think I’m a better talker than I am a writer and so that’s how I write, how I talk! I don’t do details either! I’m not a detailer, in fact I forget the details mostly. When I’m in meetings or doctors appointments or psychiatrist appointments or parent/teacher meetings…..you know all that crap blah blah blah, well the only bits I really remember are the funny bits, if its funny or if it rhymes’ or if its repeated 99 times well that’s what I remember! I remember the first time I stood in the dock at the Dunedin Court House, I remember everyone in there staring at me and I remember what my lawyer looked like, I remember I was a blithering idiot but I can’t tell you anything anyone said to me! The details elude me. Of course I was 40 then! It took me until 40 to get a criminal record! Oh crap (see not swearing) if I don’t tell you about this detailed experience which I don’t remember the details about then knowing me I wont remember to come back to the story at all, seeing as the fact is my brain just doesn’t do it for me anymore (Story for another day!!). So here it is from the girl who was brought up in the church (tell you about that sometime) and who’s Mum and Dad were missionaries! (Everyone laughs at me not to mention doesn’t believe me when I tell them I was a missionaries kid LOL) Anyway, I got done for stealing at Pac n Save, it was not a real crime, although the owner thought it was a big deal and a big crime!! LOL see I remember it was FUNNY, well it was to me and if you could have seen how that Mr Manager acted you’d have thought it was funny too. I am pissed to have a record but I’ve been told that drops off in 7 years, so 3 down 4 to go and then I can be a normal decent citizen of society again! Do you know what else is funny, My Mr M is a Correction’s officer! So because of that I got name suppression so it wasn’t quiet as embarrassing for me or the family as it could have been and I always feel it’s a bit of pay back to the Owner of Pac n Save. Boy did the owner stalk around and yell and carry on, that was embarrassing enough for me! Anyway long story short, I had a packet of pimple (don’t often use big and fancy words either) face was for my girl, wasn’t sure if I wanted it or not so at the check out I sat it on top of my hand bag and put my groceries through the checkout, I spent about 500 Huck that day in that shop anyway I payed the lady and chucked all my bits on top of my hand bag and walked out in to the packing area. I was packing food into bags when 2 ladies came up to me and said in very important voices, excuse me, you’re concealing something in your bag, YEAH right and Oh FUCK yea, all went through my head and out of my mouth in a milli second as I remembered that little box of pimple fighter and as I went digging there it was, 18 dollars worth of face wash! I pulled myself together realizing this might be a serious situation, and I told them I had made a mistake, which they took to mean, I made a mistake not paying for it because I wanted to steal it even though I had just half emptied my purse into another ladies hand like 3 minutes ago! So that was it, I was dragged into the office, banned from the shop for 2 years, taken to the cop shop, drilled, photographed and finger printed and all because of my empty head. Of course weeks down the track that all lead me to the dock for my day in court. Just so you know I cried like a baby in that dock, it was an absolute freak out session, but that Judge had mercy on my soul and I was discharged with conviction, give name suppression and sent home! NOT EVEN A FINE! My lawyer told him I was a crazy lady I think and so he took pity on me. See its useful in some situations being crazy LOL. I don’t mind that word crazy, I use it to lighten the mood LOL , sometimes being crazy comes in handy as you will find out over the coming weeks.
What I didn’t tell you is, that apart from being unwell with my Bipolar, (and I didn’t tell anyone else either until now, apart from Mr M and my sister) I was WASTED! Yep stoned, remember I was an addict so I could do nothing without being boozed up or stoned! (It was a bit like the chicken or the egg for me, I mean which do you think comes first?) Well for me it was Bipolar, then the journey into alcohol and drugs! So I had totally forgotten about that face wash, I was on another topic in my head by then, I was cruising just thinking about how great life was when your wasted! (then I got the excuse me you thief speech). I thank God for Mr M and my fantabulous girls and my ever-loving totally accepting Sister (well call her Nixi because she will feature a lot in my blogs) They have always been their for me, totally loving, totally forgiving. totally protective, totally accepting ,totally supportive and ALWAYs with the ability to wrap their arms around me and LAUGH!! Sometimes through the years that’s all we could do, it is healing to find the lighter side of shit and just laugh your arse off over it and its all even funnier now that I have crossed over to the safer side of life, now that I am well again, now that I am clean and sober!! I will never forget where I came from though and I will never stop trusting the big Guy in the sky to help me put one foot in front of the other each day trusting Him to keep me well and to keep me clean!
Just on the lighter side of life, I still like to choof on a cigarette, everyone’s on me to give up and I will, I’m thinking about it and of course making an organised plan, but here’s me just chilling with a cigga and a fish on holiday! 
I’m trying to think of a nice ending now, and after reading the draft I have tears streaming down my face as I think of all the beautiful people in my life and the warm, encouraging, forgiving, love they have surrounded me in! I am blessed. I really am! Peace out, because that’s just how we roll and until next time laugh a lot, lax back and don’t take life too seriously! (And its best not to pull the birdy at important people)
Blessings Annie
Annies Sober 